living the mess of life

My relationship hasn’t been so good lately. My girlfriend is always working, avoiding problems with no instant solutions, the super little ‘fix-it’ girl she is. We had a huge fight on Saturday night…I was transfixed by the bitterness swelling her throat, closing her mind, making it all about her. And I had to leave, duffel coat in hand, running as fast as I could away into the smokey, night air. She doesn’t want to hear that her ‘fix-it’ solution is actually rather simple. Support me for as long as it takes me to get better .period. I want to transplant my future into her, the one that I can feel buzzing and fluttering inside me, to show her that my recovery will be worth it. That she is worth it. The wait I mean. But her impatience (it stirs her crazy, works her to the bone (probably not the best metaphor I know)) and she just doesn’t want to hear that support is what I want. Things like: having breakfast with me, sitting with me after meals, calling me when she is going to be late, working a little less than 17 hours a day. She wants it to be easier and harder all in the same breath. It’s a simple yet extremely taxing thing to support someone with an eating disorder…it’s hard to say ‘there is no quick fix’ and ‘justpleasestay with [crazy] me’ all in the same sentence.